Fairytales and Margaritas

The Skeletons In My Closet Have Come Out

Um yeah, not sure I’m going to actually have that new job.  My background investigation started last week.  In addition to filling out numerous questionnaires, fingerprint cards and the like, they also come out to meet with me, my co-workers, my neighbors, people I haven’t seen in 10 years and the doctor who delivered me.  Ok, maybe not the last one, but they do face to face interviews will all the rest.

I had to admit that I wasn’t too concerned.  I filled out the paperwork and they only asked my history going back 10 years.  I thought, “go me!” , I’ve been a fine upstanding citizen for the last 10 years.  Nothing to worry about!

Then he gets here.  And he has another 30 page questionnaire to fill out.  This one going back to EVER!  Seriously, like back to birth!  Unfortunately, I wasn’t a find upstanding citizen oh say, 15 years ago.  I went through a wild child stage right after high school and did some crazy things.  So, we had to go over all of that crap.  Actually, I don’t think that stuff’s going to hurt me, but it’s memories that I don’t care to relive.  It was a bad time in my life and having to talk about it isn’t fun.

Then, we had the truly odd questions:

Have you ever used prescription medication?  (Thankfully, he clarified that they were looking for mainly pain meds.  Unfortunately, I’ve had oral surgery twice and birth four kids, so I’m pretty sure I’ve taken meds at some point, but couldn’t remember what or when!)

Have you ever broken the law and not been caught, including speeding?  (I swear, is this a trick question?  Are they just wanting to see if I’m stupid enough to say no?)

Have you ever had disloyal feelings toward the U.S.?  (I really wanted to say, “Only if Sarah Palin becomes president?”  But, I held back.)

Then the shitty part.  He asked if I have any family members with drug problems, drug arrests, etc.  Unfortunately, both of my brothers have had serious drug issues.  So, I had to disclose all of that.  I’m really hoping that doesn’t hurt me.  I’m pretty sure my one brother was arrested for intent to sell at one point.  I’m not all that close to my brothers.  They’re quite a bit younger than me and they went through this awful time and I completely shut myself off from them.  Just recently we’ve been in contact more, but it’s only when I go to my mom’s house and for holidays.  We’re really not close.  But, I’ll be pissed if I don’t get this job because of them. 

So, now I’m in a holding pattern once again.  They have to finish talking to everyone I’ve ever looked at and then they write a report and turn it in to be reviewed.  If they still want me, then they’ll give me a start date.  We’re probably looking at 6-8 weeks away.

Ugh, the stress of this job is killing me!

Sorry the spacing is all messed up.  Because I have limited time on the Internet, I type in Word and copy and paste, but it doesn't seem to translate well.  Sorry!

Shouldn't I be goofing off or something?

My boss in on vacation all this week.  And actually until Wednesday of next week.

I get all giddy when I know she's not going to be here.  I can come in late, I can leave early.  I can take long lunches.  Yay!

My plan is to plan on the Internet and basically do nothing.

Except this week I've been working my little hiney off.  I've been using the time to shred old files (6 boxes down, 7 to go), organize my book shelves, inventory my files and create a new index, clean HER office. 

What the heck has gotten into me?  I really do love to organize stuff, but jeez, usually I reserve that for my closets at home (who gets excited like me to clean closets?  anyone?).  I actually think that part of me feels bad for leaving her and I'm trying to do my part before I leave.  I don't want a new person to have to deal with her pack-rat tendencies and have to figure out all this PAPER.  AND, there's no way I could get rid of this stuff if she was here.  She saves EVERYTHING.  Like notes from meetings from 1997.  I'm pretty sure we'll NEVER need those again.

So, instead of goofing off (although I still play on the Internet a good portion of the day) I'm reorganizing, shredding and filing.  And I like it.  So sue me!

Blah!

I had an idea for a cool post today, but I'm just feeling blah.

I just found out that there's pretty much no way in hell I got that other job.  Other people are hearing that they are only referring people who scored 101 or above (you can get up to 10 veteran's points) for the openings.  I'm not even close!

I was really holding out hope.  That hope was what was making working full time bearable.  Now that the hope isn't there I can't justify working full time.  But, I don't know how to tell my boss.  She'd be really disappointed.  Like disappointing a parent.

And, now I'm still stuck trying to find something that pays as much as I make now or more within the next two years when she retires.  And it's not easy.  There aren't many opportunities out there.

So, I'm kindof in a funk.

The Inner Struggle

And so it begins.  My first week of full time work since January 2005.  Yikes!  It's daunting to think about it, really.  Don't get me wrong, I've worked all my life, with the exception of a few maternity leaves.  But, the last time I worked full time I only had 2 kids and a much smaller house.  And going BACK to full time work after the wonderful experience of part time work is a big adjustment.  For all of us.

Although this is my first week actually working full time, I took the kids to their new preschool last week for a transition period.  The first day went great.  I don't think either one realized exactly what was going on.  Jocelyn cried a bit, but Xander was excited and did great.  But, with each passing day they get more crabby in the morning.  And the pleas become louder and sadder.  Although, I do think that Jocelyn is transitioning fairly well.  She cries for a bit when we get there, but they assure me that she settles and had a good day, although she doesn't like to eat there.  But, that's just her, she's picky and she likes to graze as opposed to sitting for meals.  But, Xander has so much anxiety each morning.  Yet, when we pick him up he's excited and loves to talk about what they've done.  He loves playing on the playground and doing projects and will talk all about it.  Until the next morning arrives.  Then he hates it and never wants to go back.  I'm praying that after another week or so this won't happen anymore.   

But, those little pleas pull at my heartstrings.  And that inner turmoil starts.  Why AM I working full time?  It's certainly not for the money as preschool sucks up every extra penny I'm making.  Why now, why not in a few years?  Is it bad to have someone else "raise" my kids for eight hours every day?  Why don't I just stay home?

AM I A BAD MOM?

I know the answers to all of those questions.  I'm doing it because my boss asked me to.  She prefers that I don't job-share anymore.  And I respect her and love to work for her, so I agreed to it.  I'm doing it now because that's when it happened.  And because I applied for that other full time job and I figure it'd be good for them to see that I'm already back full time in case they would be hesitant to hire me because of that (and if I was to get THAT job I'd be making a TON more money).  It's not bad to have someone else care for my kids every day.  And it's not every day, just four days a week.  I truly think that they do BETTER with someone else.  Someone else is better about getting them on a schedule and interacting with them more.  When I'm home with the two little ones I'm always doing something around the house or running errands.  Or Jocelyn is taking up the time I'd like to spend with Xander.  And every day is different, some days we leave the house others we don't.  There's not a lot of consistency.  And I don't stay home because I just can't.  Financially it'd be really tight, but mentally I'd be a mess if I stayed home full time.  I'm just not one of those moms.

And I don't think I'm a bad mom, either.  But, when your heartstrings are tugged, it's hard not to feel guilty.  And it's an age old struggle that all mothers face.  To work or not to work.  And people judge each decision.  And I think WE each judge our own decisions.  It's just hard.  Hard to find a good balance.  Hard to be happy with the decisions we've made. 

Hard to listen to those little cries and see those tears in the morning.

It's happening!

I just found out today that my job share partner got another full time job.  My boss would really like me to go full time.  So, starting next week I'll be full time at my current job.  But, still awaiting word on the new job.  My boss knows I've applied for it, and hopefully they'll give me enough time to give her notice.  I'd hate to leave her hanging.

In the meantime I have to find childcare and figure out how I'm going to get 4-5 days worth of home stuff done in 2 days!

Wish me luck!

Good thing, though, is that I'll be at the computer ALL DAY!  So, I should be able to post and comment like crazy!

Phantom Leg Pain

Poor Xander.  This morning he woke up crying that he couldn't walk.  I thought it was because he was still sleepy (he only slept til 6:30).  But, then I saw him trying to walk.  His right leg just buckles every time he tries to stand up.  Poor thing.  It's got him really freaked out. 

I've tried playing around with it.  He can straighten it (although he says it hurts to do it) and he can move it all around.  He can even push on my hand when he's laying down.  But, he can't put any weight on it. 

He tries, but just falls down.  It's been 3 1/2 hours now and it's still giving him trouble.  I was going to take him to Urgent Care, but they're not open today.  I guess we're going to go to the children's ER in an hour or so, when Daddy gets home. 

I really don't think it's anything major.  Probably some kindof pinched nerve or something, but I want to have it checked out.  He's just so miserable. 

It's times like these that I hate being a parent.  When I can't make it better.  When I don't have all the answers.  When I know something is wrong, but can't fix it.  I'm supposed to be the superhero that knows everything and that can fix it all.  It sucks when they realize that that's not always the case.

So, we'll probably be sitting in the ER for most of the day.  Luckily, one of the local hospitals has a children's ER. At least that makes it a bit more manageable.

In other news, the test was hard!  They give you a paragraph and then ask what you can or cannot validly conclude from the information.  They try to trick you up by using a lot of double negatives and words like all, never and sometimes.  I know I did ok on the grammar part, but that part I had a bit of trouble with.  There were four answers that I re-read and changed my answers.  They say you shouldn't second guess yourself, but I just wasn't sure.  But, even if I missed 6-7 of those questions I still passed.  And there were 19 people testing.  I'm sure they didn't all pass.  And there are four openings.  So, I should hear in 2-4 weeks if I passed and then I send my resume and wait to hear again.  This whole process is stressful.  I haven't applied for a job in over four years and that one was internal.  And I've never had to test for a job and then wait and then send a resume and wait, etc.  It sucks.  I'm someone who likes to know instantly or at least within a week.  This whole process could last months!

My first new post!

So, I'm all settled in.  Thanks for the feedback.  Still working on a banner and getting the photo albums filled.  Fixing up my blogroll, etc.  But, I'm liking it here. 

We've been pretty busy.  We had SNOW on Friday.  Can you believe it?  It was quite a bit too.  I was watching a friends kids and they were so excited (we're at a higher elevation, so we get snow about once a year and they don't usually get it).  The little girl told me her wish came true because it was snowing!  I bundled them all up (her 5 and 2 year olds and my 3 and 1 year olds) and we played outside for a bit.

Saturday we picked up Girl Scout cookies.  Now we have to deliver them all.  Ugh.  I understand why they sell them and it's great to make money for the troop, but it's so much work.  And Carissa only sold 150 boxes.  I can't imagine the ones that sell 500!

My poor husband is sick.  He thought it was strep, but the doctor said it was viral.  He's miserable and today's his birthday.  I'm hoping he feels a little better tonight. 

My kids are off of school on Thursday and Friday.  It's Rodeo Days here in Tucson.  Yippee!  It's so strange that they get the days off of school.  We've never even gone to the rodeo!  But, it's a tradition for them to get off of school.  I think we might hit our measly children's museum one of the days.

The big news is that my test for the new job is tomorrow.  I'm very nervous.  I've never had to test for a job before.  Kind of scary.  I printed the guide and took the practice tests (scored 100 on both).  I'm really hoping that I get it.  We've been talking about what we'd have to change with me going back to work full time.  But, how nice it would be to have the extra money.  And the benefits are really good too.  And the promotion potential.  Conceivably, I could be making $80,000 in about 5 years!  That'd be great.  And Xander is definitely ready for preschool.  He needs the structure.  He gets bored being home with me.  And his little mind is a sponge lately.  I'd feel a little guilty about putting Jocelyn somewhere full time, but she's had almost 2 years of me staying home.  That's a good start.  I didn't stay home at all with the older two, so the younger ones have been spoiled.

So, wish me luck tomorrow.  I'm hoping we get the results quickly and that things move along.  I'll let you know!

What do you do all day?

Ahhh, I've been so busy. Just a quick post. I'm trying to catch up on my reading, plus life. I'll be back in full form soon, promise.

So, I get asked questions about my job all the time. When I tell people that I work for a judge, they have tons of questions. They think it's like the shows on TV. And that I'm in the courtroom and all sorts of crazy stuff goes down. Um, no. Nothing like that.

Unfortunately, it's not really an exciting job. I do love my job and love my boss, but it's not all that glamorous. On the TV shows, the others get all the limelight. They never show the Judicial Administrative Assistant. I'm not the bailiff, not the clerk in the courtroom, not the court reporter. I'm the behind the scenes girl.

Basically, I handle my judge's calendar, in and out of court. I do all of her secretarial type of work: typing letters, answering the phone, preparing her files, making travel arrangements, massaging her feet (just kidding). I draft her orders and rulings and get them filed. I am her bodyguard. Actually, I kindof am. I have to make sure that no one has ex-parte communication with her. So, I screen her calls and guests. Sometimes I research cases and past filings.

Right now we're on a Juvenile court rotation. And my judge is the Presiding Judge. So, she holds lots of meetings. Sometimes I have to take notes. A lot of times I have to work her schedule to make sure she gets to all of these meetings. That is a full time job itself.

It may not be glamorous, but my boss is the best. She is great about backing up her employees. And she always thanks us and lets it be known that she appreciates us. We have six women in our division and we get along wonderfully. I actually job share. I work the beginning of the week and she works the end of the week. It works out really nicely for us.

I have to admit that sometimes work is my respite. I love my children dearly, but sometimes I need to get out of the chaos and go to my quiet place. And I NEED adult interaction. It really is the best of both worlds. Plus, where else would I be able to catch up on all of my blog reading?

Damn telemarketers

I swear, I don't know where they find these people. Actually I suspect that they find a lot of them in India now days, but I digress.

This morning I get to work. I'm trying to catch up on blogs and e-mail, you know, the important stuff. My phone rings. Usually it's not that bad. I'm the super smart girl in the office so usually I can get anyone off of the phone in seconds (I just refer them to the person that really knows what's going on). NOT TODAY!

I get some woman with a heavy Indian accent. I could barely understand her, but I did understand right up front that this had NOTHING to do with my job. Usually I can get telemarketers off the phone in seconds too, I just tell them this is a government office and they want nothing more to do with me.

But, not this biotch. And believe me, she was. She wants to ask me about all of the hundreds of computers in our building. Um, yeah, I don't work in IT. I have no fecking clue. I inform her of this, but she doesn't care. She tells me to just say, "I don't know" if I don't have the information. Um, ok, whatever, I'll play.

So here it goes:

Her: How many computers are at your location?
Me: I have no idea, hundreds.
Her: Ok, 100.
Me: No 100SSSSSSSS. Many more than 100.
Her: I'll make it easy on you and just put 100. (Easy on me? Whatever.)
Her: What brand are these 100 machines?
Me: There are more than 100 (under my breath) and I have no idea, mine's a Dell
Her: So all 100 machines are Dells?
Me: I have no idea, mine is a Dell, but I can't vouch for the rest
Her: SIGH (really loudly) are you planning to buy any more computers this year?
Me: I. Have. No. Idea. I don't work in IT.
More discussion regarding laptops, printers and copiers ensues. My answers remain the same. She is audibly getting VERY frustrated with me.
But, here's the kicker:
Her: Is your server located in your building?
Me: I.Have.No.Idea
Her: Let me make it easy for you, a main frame serves over 1,000 people and costs about $1 million a blah, blah, blah
Me: I.Have.No.Idea. I don't work in IT
Her: Look, I just need to have this questions answered.
Me: I don't have the answer and I really must go. HANG UP
Ring, ring
That crazy biotch called me back!
Her: Listen, I just need you to tell me. And she repeats really slowly what a mainframe is.
Me: I obviously don't have the information you need, I'm sorry. HANG UP
That crazy biotch calls me back, again!
Her: Please just answer the question
Me: I obviously can't help you. I already gave you the information to our IT department, they could have answered all of your questions. I don't appreciate you hounding me when I told you upfront that I didn't have the information for you. Now, I will be notifying them that they should not answer your questions because you are a crazy biotch.

What the hell gets into some of these people? Damn, she got me all hot and bothered so early in the morning. Not good for my blood pressure!

Happy happy joy joy!

Have you ever met someone that just rubs you the wrong way? You don't really have a good explanation why you don't like them, but you just don't? I work with one of these people. The guy drives me crazy! He's so full of himself and how wonderful he is and all of the things he's accomplished in his life (he's 76). And he is super annoying. Like he'll say "hi" to each person that passes him 3-4 times each day! HE is super patronizing and overly helpful, but it's only so that he gets the kudos. He thinks he is super important, but half the time he doesn't even do his job correctly. No one can stand him, yet he thinks that the world revolves around him. Yet, it doesn't! Thank God, my boss has seen the light and given him notice. She was just as annoyed as we were! Friday will be his last day. I only work until Wednesday, so I'll only have to deal with him until then. And to top it off it's Ladies Night Out at the Melting Pot on Wednesday. What a wonderful week for me!

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