Fairytales and Margaritas

Naked Nights

Ok, ladies, I've got a question for you:

Does your man enjoy all things naked?

Him naked, you naked, alone, together.  Just naked in general?

We had a rather interesting lunch conversation today at work.  There were six women in the room.  One of my coworkers sent her two boys to stay with Grandma for summer break.  So, she's home alone with her husband.  For four weeks!!!  Oh, the horrors!

Seriously, though.  Her husband has instituted "Naked Nights".   And it's a mandatory no clothes policy.  We were all talking about it and we just don't get it.  Women are not visual creatures like men, so there is that.  And we usually have hang-ups about our bodies.  But, still.  What's up with all the nakedness?

He wants to watch TV butt naked, play the Wii butt naked, sleep butt naked, etc., etc.

And truth be told, I KNOW my husband would be all over this too.  Heck I have to force him to put on a pair of sweat shorts around the house because the kids are a little too old to be seeing his package all the time.  But, if he had his way, he'd strut around naked 24/7.

What gives?

The Dating Couple

I'm sure seeing that title you're thinking this post will be about a couple of single people that are dating.  But, it's not.  It's about a married couple dating another married couple.  And not like that either.

You know how it is when you're single and dating?  You try out different people.  Some you click with, some you don't.  Some you try really hard to like because your friends like them or you know they'd be a good match, but it just doesn't work out. 

And when you're dating you usually go to dinner or the movies or other fun things. 

Well, I have to say that being a married couple and finding friends to hang out with is much the same.  Except harder.  Because YOU need to like the couple and so does your spouse.  And they BOTH need to like both of you.  It's a VERY delicate balance.  (Especially when, as a couple you are very different.)

We've been lucky in the past that the people that my husband works with and likes to hang out with have had cool wives that I've enjoyed hanging out with.  But, we moved within the last few years and things have changed.  He works 60 miles away from our house and most of the people that he works with live closer to work.  And he works with a lot of single guys. 

We've had a hard time finding other couples that we really mesh with.  And that's hard for me because I'm what some call a social butterfly.

We've tried dating some couples.  One is a good friend that I work with and her husband.  But, my husband just doesn't get along with them very well.  We've tried a few couples that he knows from work, but we just don't see them very often.

But, just recently, we've found our "partners".  I've actually been hanging out with her for the last three years, we met shortly after we moved here.  And her husband is actually in the same profession as my husband, just at a different location.  We've gotten together a few times and things have gone well.  My husband even contacted her last year to help plan my surprise birthday party!So, us girls have been plotting ways to get together more often. 

This weekend we had a BBQ at their house.  And things went really well.  The guys grilled and talked.  The girls drank and talked.  The kids destroyed their house, but had fun doing it.  We all played some Wii.  It was just a nice relaxing time.  And EVERYONE enjoyed themselves.   My very quiet husband was even texting her this weekend in preparation for the BBQ! It was great! 

Now, we have plans to go to the upcoming Metallica concert (ROCK ON!) and camping in June!  Let's hope this is the start to a long-term relationship.  Because everyone knows good friends are hard to find!

THE Plan

Do you have a PLAN?  Have you written it down?  Was it hard?  Have you had one for long?

My husband and I don't have a plan.  Or a Will in other words.

It's one of those things that you put off and put off.  I mean, seriously, who wants to think about their own death?  And how in the world do you decide what you want for your children if you were to die?  Seriously.  I don't even want it to approach the outer circles of my thoughts. 

But, we've got to be responsible.  Both of our families have "issues", so we'd like to spell things out as clearly as possible.  N0 sense in letting the crazies decide for themselves!  Plus, we're done having children and we've moved into our "forever home".  So, things should be pretty stable from here on out (knock on wood).

Luckily with my husband's job they stress how important having a will is.  Especially for people in law enforcement.  So, they are providing free services to get our wills drawn up.  We have appointments on the 26th.

But, oh, the things we have to think about up until that point.  And the decisions that must be made.  Who will care for the children?  How do we want our vast wealth (insert sarcastic giggle here) split up?  Who will be pissed off the most at our decisions?

Just thinking about those things brings up images of life without me or us.  And it's not pretty.  I'm no saint, but YIKES!  To think of others raising the kids that WE decided to bring into this world.  That WE know best.  That WE have shaped and molded.  Ugh, it's a scary thought.

So, while we're going to be responsible and talk about it and formalize it.  I pray that the kids are old and married with grandchildren of their own before they ever have to see our wills!

While the cat's away the mice will play!

So, Robert's on a business trip for four days.  It doesn't happen often, but occassionally he travels for work.  While I miss him dearly and sometimes want to throw myself off a bridge while dealing with all the kids myself, sometimes it's kindof nice.

When Daddy's gone we eat crap for dinner.  Like frozen pizza, hot dogs, cereal.  Now don't get me wrong, we eat this crap while he's here too.  But, I don't feel guilty when he's not here.  I try to make semi-decent meals when he's home.  Don't want him wasting away without his meat and potatoes.

And the kids go to bed early, and usually in my bed.  It's just easier.  It's easier to pile them in my bed around 7:00 with the TV on and let them drift off to sleep.  And to stay there.  Better than me having to get up in the middle of the night because fire ants are crawling on them (Xander's new thing) or just because (Jocelyn's thing since she was born).  And we turn in earlier bc I'm dead tired.  And I need them to stay still and quiet and the TV is wonderful for this.

And we get to watch our stuff.  Not hockey or shows about planets.  I like a bit of this stuff, but it's nice to be in charge of the remote, too.

And we don't do our chores until the day he comes home.  Why bother?  He's actually more lenient on the house being kept clean than I am.  But, I have these weird expectations of myself when he's here.  I think that he expects me to keep the house clean (even though he doesn't).  But, when he's not here I get rid of that guilt too.  (Geez, I'm noticing that I put a lot of expectations on myself that he doesn't!)

I guess I'm just more lenient in general when he's not here.  Part of it is a coping mechanism.  I know I can't get everything done by myself.  And it's kindof nice to not worry about someone else sometimes. 

So, don't stop by our house until Friday, cause it'll be a mess.  Don't call after 7:00 bc we're already in bed watching Survivor.  And don't ask my kids what they had for dinner bc you're likely to want to report me to CPS!

I need a hug

Let's just say that things aren't all happy, happy, joy, joy right now.

I, myself, am feeling overwhelmed lately. With Christmas and all the planning involved and feeling guilty when we don't get together with everyone on Christmas dayand the anxiety over spending money.
With the kids and all the work involved, not to mention Science Fair and doctor's appointments and schoolwork and soccer and baseball and and...

Robert is miserable on midnights. It's just not working. I think he's going to switch to day shift next time. It'll suck because he'll be gone from 7:00 am- 7:00 pm, but at least he'll be happier. And feeling better.

And something happened to Carissa the other day and it sucks. Not to go into details but it really sucks. And we're having to get others involved. And it sucks that it even happened. But, what sucks worse it that I don't know that I completely believe her. See, she lies a lot. And very convincingly. Like with tears and drama, the whole nine yards. I really think this happened, but because of her history a little tiny part of me is doubting her. And I HATE that I feel that way. HATE IT. I wish I could just believe her and support her, but instead I'm wondering if this is going to turn on us and that she's going to be lying. I pray that she' s not (not that I really want this thing to have happened, but I really want her to be telling the truth).

So, can I just get a hug? Thanks.

Halloween Past

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I love to dress up. And I love all the scary decorations. The more gruesome, the better. Plus, who doesn't like candy?

And I love surprises. How much fun was it to dump your trick or treat bag out and gawk at all the candy? And the different kinds. Being the anal person that I am I would separate them into categories: chocolate, chewy, crappy, pennies (um yeah some stupid neighbor handed out packets of 10 pennies to each child), apples (I was never allowed to eat them). I'd give all of it away, EXCEPT the chocolate. I'm much the same now.

I can't remember what I was for each Halloween. But, I do remember some: a rabbit (hand stitched by my mom), a flapper, a hobo (thanks mom), a punk rocker, a construction worker (thanks again), a housewife, a dancer. And as an adult I've been: a pirate wench, a biker, a pregnant cat (with nipples and everything), a KISS fan and the Evil Queen. Oh, and a bride.

Yup, our wedding was on October 30th, 1999. We chose that day because it was as close to Halloween as we could get. I really wanted to have a costume wedding. But, being anal as I am, I was afraid that some people wouldn't dress up. Or that some would be cheesy stuff and not thinking it through. And I didn't want that. I wanted everyone to dress up in super cool costumes. And I didn't know how to get that point across without being a major bitch (something I usually don't have a problem with, but I wanted my husband's family to like me until we tied the knot). So, we had a traditional wedding. And it was a blast! The next day Carissa went trick or treating as a flower girl, go figure.

Lunch conversations

I just spent a lovely lunch with my husband and Xander and Jocelyn. He stays home with them the two days a week that I work and they had some errands to run, so we met. Here are a few cute things that were said:

Xander: I can touch my mommy with my head, though.
(To my husband after he told him not to touch my work clothes with his greasy hands.)

Hubby: Xander, do you want some spicy chicken?
Xander: No, I don't like spicy jackass.
(I swear that child will use any opportunity to use the word jackass!)

Xander: Mommy, I want to go to work with you.
Me: I know, but you can't my boss will be mad. And I'll get in trouble. Do you want mommy to get in trouble?
Xander: Yes!

Jocelyn: More, mine (while reaching for the corn on the cob, wish I had a video of her eating it!)

And when it was time to go:
Xander: Mommy, I'm so happy to see you. When you're done with work will you come home to me?

***********************************************************************************

I forgot my favorite one.

I took Xander to the bathroom to go and to wash up.

I went first. When I finished he said,
Xander: Mommy, you went poopy?
Me: No I didn't.
Xander: Yes you did! I saw you use toilet paper.
Me: Girls use toilet paper even when they pee pee.
Xander: (really loudly) You did poopies and used toilet paper!
Me: Xander, mommy just went pee pee, but girls have to use toilet paper.
Xander: YOU WENT POOPIES!

An update of sorts

Carissa's game was fun. They lost 4-1, but played MUCH better than we expected. They need to work on taking a shot (they were too good about passing and forgot to take a shot if they could). And their defense needs to hustle a little more (there were quite a few break aways). But, overall, it was a good game. Of course, she acted like she hated every minute of it, but when doesn't she?

And I ended up taking the boys with me. They both heard us getting ready and woke up and cried because they wanted to go. I took them and they fought for the WHOLE game. And whined about being hungry and thirsty and hot. So, they will not be attending anymore games!

In other news we wrote up ten family rules this weekend. And posted them in plain view in the kitchen. Lately, we've been having real issues with sibling bickering. The older ones try to boss around and parent the younger ones. They purposefully antagonize each other. And we've had a lot of backtalk and whining and ungratefulness too. So, we implemented the rules and every time they break one they have to figure out which one it is, read it aloud and write it on a piece of paper. If they break the same rule three times in the same day they have to write it 10 times and lose a privilege. It seems to be working, for now.

Robert is on midnights and not doing too well. He doesn't get enough sleep and his eating gets all messed up. Making for a tired, worn-out daddy. I'm hoping he can get on some kind of detail that will put him back on a decent day shift. He doesn't like to work days in the field because his shift would be from 8am-6pm and you have to add an hour commute on each end. He would miss dinner every night, which he's not willing to do.

I have been very tired because it seems Jocelyn is going through a growth spurt, meaning she doesn't sleep at night. Even though I bring her in with me, she still flips and flops. This has been going on for over a week. But, last night seemed better, so hopefully she'll be back in her bed soon.

We went shopping this weekend and Old Navy already had their Halloween costumes on sale for half off. And I had a 20% off coupon (I am the queen of cheap). So, I got the kids the chicken, kangaroo and lion for only $9 each! Even if they don't wear them for future Halloween's, they're having a blast playing dress up. I may try to get some more costumes when they have the after Halloween sales.

This week we're trying a bunch of new recipes, so be on the lookout for the winners posted here. We're making Spicy Green Chile Chicken Enchiladas, Meatball Soup and Spinach Gnocchi.

Life as a Wife

Wife of a law enforcement officer, I mean.

Many of you know that my husband works for the US Government as a law enforcement officer. He's been doing it for almost 10 years.

When he first got the job I was so excited. He really wanted it. And the whole "man in uniform" thing isn't a bad deal either.

Then he actually started the job. And I was scared. REALLY, REALLY scared. I mean, I'm afraid to be home alone at night, I can't imagine what it feels like to be out in the middle of nowhere by yourself in the middle of the night. So many things could happen to him.

Luckily, he's only had to pull his gun a handful of times. MOST of the time he doesn't encounter real "bad guys". But, it only takes one. We've had many, many talks about this. I truly believe that he is VERY capable and trained very well for his job. But, it just takes one crazy person with a gun.

Unfortunately, we've been to too many funerals for men that have been in these situations. And they are heartbreaking.

The biggest scare comes when he is late coming home and I haven't gotten a call to say why. My mind starts racing. And then the phone will ring. And I'll be gripped with dread. I KNOW in my head that they'll come to the house, they won't call if something happens, but it still scares me. One time I got a call at 1:00 in the morning. When I answered it was his supervisor looking for him. But, he was supposed to be at work. SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. Why couldn't they find him? Why would they call his house in the middle of the night looking for him? Didn't they know what that would do to me?

Come to find out they didn't realize he was on shift and didn't even try to radio him. And the supervisor was a single guy who didn't even think about how I would feel. He later called to apologize.

While I'd never ask him to do anything else, this job still scares me. I've gotten used to it over the years and don't worry like I used to. But, whenever the phone rings or I get an unexpected caller at the door when he's at work, it makes my heart still for a moment.

It's tough. My friends sometimes don't understand. They think it's cool and ask all sorts of questions about his job. But, they don't understand.

Only the other wives do. And thank God for them. I don't think I would've gotten through these last 10 years without them.

To Drink or Not to Drink?

I know, not much of a dilemma. Always err on the safe side and drink.

Just kidding. Actually, I'm afraid in a few years I'm going to have to seriously ponder this and I really don't know where I stand.

See, the drinking involves teenagers. And since mine will be a teenager this year, I'm afraid this very dilemma will be coming up.

This weekend we were at a Halloween party. The people throwing the party have a teenage daughter that just graduated high school. At the party she was drinking. Alcohol. In front of her parents. Even with her parents.

I don't know how I feel about this. My gut reaction is that it's wrong. And that the parents shouldn't allow it.

But, I remember being a teenager. And if I didn't do it at home I was certainly going to do it somewhere. And I probably wouldn't be safe about it if I was somewhere else.

I just don't know. I don't want to give my kids the impression that it's ok to break the law, but I do want to make sure they're safe. And making sure they drink at home and don't leave would ensure their safety.

When I hear stories of parents arrested for Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor in these situations I'm sympathetic. Because I know that they were doing what they thought was right. But, I don't know if they are right.

What do you think?

All I know is that I don't ever want to hear the words, "Mom, come do a shot with me!"