Fairytales and Margaritas

Fine and dandy...

Boy, I've got some impatient readers!

So, yeah, everything was cool.  Carissa was acting as though she was indifferent to being friends with this girl.  We had a long talk with her about it being up to her, but also the reasons that we thought she should try to stay away from her.  But, ultimately the decision was hers.  We did explain that the girl is not welcome at our house, because of her direct disrespect of my husband and that Carissa was not allowed in the girl's house because her parents are loons and would probably try to sue us if something got broken, etc.  We told her they could have the type of relationship they used to, see each other at the bus stop and school, occassionally play outside in the neighborhood.  We thought everything was cool.

Another aside:  Carissa just got a cell phone for her 14th birthday at the beginning of December.  She lied about not having detention at school and got it taken away for two weeks.  She just got it back the day after Christmas.

The day she got her phone back she was a texting fool.  I was checking to see who she was texting and it was "nay nay" who she informed me was her friend Stephanie (not the neighborhood girl).  Then, on Saturday she said she was going to go for a walk to take pictures of the snow (yes, we had snow at our house, in Arizona!).  I had a weird feeling about it, but let her go.  It's just not the normal thing that she'd do and now I know I should've trusted my gut.  So, about 15 minutes after she leaves, she texts me that this girl is out walking her dog and she's going to walk with her.  I tell her I don't think it's a great idea, but it's her decision.  But, then I start thinking about how she was texting right before she left and my gut, etc.  So, I text her back and tell her to be honest and was this all set up beforehand.  She denies it.  But, I can just tell she's lying.  I tell you, my gut really kicks in when I need it.  So, we go back and forth, I tell her to come home.  I tell her she's being sneaky, etc. etc. 

She comes home and she's PISSED!  She starts mouthing off about how I'm not trusting her and how she's not being sneaky, the whole tears and anguish and everything I've seen before.  Let me tell you, this girl could win an Academy Award.  So, I just ask for her phone.  And there in writing is all my proof.  Come to find out, "nay nay" IS the girl down the street, and it WAS all planned out ahead of time AND they are BEST FRIENDS and have been for over a year and the girl doesn't even have a dog.  Now, of course, her version of best friends and mine is a bit different since they a) never talk on the phone, b) never hang out outside of school or the bus stop c) she's never even mentioned her and when we had the whole discussion allowing their friendship she never even said she WANTED to be her friend.  But, now, of course, they're best friends and she's the ONLY person she can tell her secrets to.  I swear, this shit is emotionally exhausing.

So, we go round and round about how she shouldn't have lied.  That she was told she could be friends with her anyway, so there was no reason to lie.  We try to point out that she acts different around this girl.  How she would have been honest about the walk if it had been anyone else.  How she would have been honest about who she was texting if it had been anyone else.  How we told her it was ok to be this girl's friend, but that she's already getting in trouble because of it.  We have the whole talk about the not lying about the phone and how it's being used, yada, yada, yada.

So, now of course, the girl's parents are upset because Carissa got her phone taken away again, so she hasn't contacted their daughter and she's grounded so they can't "hang out".  The reason that she's punished is because of the lying, not because she was with their daughter.  Lying is a huge deal in our house, huge.  If we can't trust you, then you don't get priveleges, plain and simple.  But, now I've got to deal with these people again.  And frankly, I want to tell them to go away, move, lose my address, GO AWAY.  I want to tell Carissa she's forbidden to hang out with this girl, but I know they'll just do it anyway.  I'm stuck.  Also, this girl's mom works for CPS.  And to be honest, because of the type of person I already know she is, I'm afraid she'll eventually turn words around and possibly do something about it.  It's just a bad situation all around.  WHY does she have to gravitate towards the one family that is no good?  Why does she want to be friends with this girl?  There are other girls in the neighborhood that she gets along with (although this other girl doesn't), why can't THEY be her best friends?

At this point, she grounded until they go back to school, she got her phone taken away for a month and we're still trying to figure out what the extent of her friendship with the girl can be.  I just think the girl is bad, bad news, but I know making the friendship forbidden makes it even more tempting.  If I hadn't gotten her the stupid phone, I don't think they would have gotten this close.  She NEVER used to talk on our landline and she rarely goes out into the neighborhood to play.  If we don't have something going on she always invites one of the girls we DO like over to hang out, so it's never been an issue.  But, now that's she's got the phone she chooses THIS girl to talk to all the time and get close to.  UGH!!! 

From Youngest to Oldest

It seems my mommy status has changed. 

It's no secret that I had Carissa when I was 19.  In anyone's book, I was a young mom.  Most of the time I like being a young mom.  Now that she's a teenager, I'm one of the youngest moms, meaning I'm a cool, hip (sometimes) mom.  I still dress pretty trendy, I listen to a lot of the same music that she does, I can play the Wii like no other.  Sometimes I regret not living it up before I started having kids, but I think that my retirement years will be all about living it up.  Spring Break 2025, here I come!

But, I also had a child when I was 31.  Which isn't old, but it's "older".  And I'm starting to notice.  When I go to functions at Carissa's school a lot of the parents are quite a bit older than me.  When I go to functions for Xander (Jocelyn isn't quite old enough for "functions") I notice I'M THE OLDER PARENT!  Many of the parents at Xander's functions are just starting their families.  They're young and cute and thin and full of energy.  I am, almost always, the only one with a teenager AND a 3 year old (and also an 8 year old and a 2 year old)!  And THAT I don't like one bit!

I don't want to be the "older" parent.  I don't want to be the uncool one.  The, dare I say, grandmother-like one!  I vow to stay cool and trendy and YOUNG until all my kids are at least through high school!  Heck, maybe I'll be in Cabo in 2025 in a thong, with all my tats and wrinkles hanging out!  Woo hoo!

The good thing about being the "older" parent, though?  The younger parents are so fresh they don't know any better.  THEY want to volunteer for everything.  Sure, I'll coach.  Sure, I'll be team mom.  Sure, I'll bake 30 cupcakes.  They all volunteer and I can just sit back.  Because I was once just like them.  And now that I'm ancient, no one expects me to do any of it!

Really parents? Really?

So, Carissa is playing volleyball for the middle school this year.  In the past she's played organized sports, but through the local leagues.  I guess people are a bit more lax because the leagues aren't as organized or hardcore.  We haven't really observed any issues with parents crossing the line- yelling at their children or yelling at the referees.

But, I guess the whole tone is different when they play for the school.  I guess even though it's middle school it's time for them to step it up.  And I guess it's time for the parents to tell everyone exactly how they feel.

At least some dumbasses feel that way.  Take the parents at her game this week.  The ball went out of bounds on the opposing teams side, but there were a bunch of chairs in the way and the player couldn't get to the ball.  So, the ref calls a "do over" because the chairs were in the way.  I thought it was odd, but was certainly ready to move on.  The dumbasses?  Apparently couldn't move on.  And had to yell and heckle the ref.  I was completely embarrassed to be sitting in the same bleachers as them.  The ref didn't even acknowledge it and play went on.

Until- the ball hit the net and fell to the floor on the opposing teams side.  The ref did call a point for our team, but I guess he didn't call it fast enough and the dumbasses had to heckle once again.  And loudly.  And inapporpriately.  This time, the ref didn't ignore them.  He turned around and confronted the stands.  Except, his back was to the dumbass, so he didn't know who said it.  Unfortunately, he yelled at the wrong guy.  But, the guy just took it!  And the dumbass didn't even admit that it was him!  Oh, I was pissed!  I was about to stand up and point the dumbass out for him!  He was big and bad enough to yell at the ref, but didn't have the balls to admit that he was the one that did it?  And let some innocent guy take the fall?  NOT FAIR!

So, I guess once you get the middle school all the rules about respect and setting a good example go out the window.  Feel free to act like a dumbass, except if you're in the stands by me.  Because that's the LAST time I sit by and watch someone act like that.  I'll be the one to call his ass out if it happens again.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

So, last Friday Black Hockey Jesus (one of the funniest guys ever) was doing his Best of Times/Worst of Times and it was about things kids say.  I left him some of our memorable ones in a comment, but after thinking about it, I remembered a whole bunch more. 

I swear, with four kids of various ages, sometimes I wish I could just shove a granola bar in their mouths when they start to speak in public (ya know, like the commercial).  Sometimes I can see it coming and it's like you're in slow motion and just cannot say anything loud enough or fast enough to stop it.  And after the damage is done I never know what to do:  ignore it or acknowledge it?   I usually just make some stupid comment like, "That's not nice to say." or " We don't talk like that."  But I wish I had something good to say.  Something that would make the person that my child just offended feel better.  Or think I was definitely handling my shit.  But, I think they usually think I'm raising my kids he wrong way.

Here are a few of my favorite bad lines from my kids:

From Carissa (3 at the time) in the grocery store, in the cart next to the polish sausage sections, "Ew, that looks like daddy's penis."  My reaction, walk away.  Leaving her in the cart by the sausage penises.

From Carissa (4 at the time)- She had spent the night at the ILs.  When they were bringing her back they informed us that she told them some good stories.  Especially the one about how mommy and daddy take showers together EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!!!  My reaction, laugh uncomfortably, and deny, deny, deny.  (For the record it's not every day!)

From Carissa (about 3) in Best Buy, the man behind us is bald.  "Mommy that man doesn't have any hair."  I assure her it's ok and it's not nice to say.  "But, he doesn't have ANY hair."  I tell her I know, but that it's not nice to talk about (the man is glaring at me).  "Why isn't it nice, he knows he doesn't have any hair?"  My reaction?  Ignore, ignore, ignore.

From Robert (about 4) brings a book to me on the couch.  "Read me this fuckin' book."  Me:  " Excuse me?"  ( I thought for sure I heard wrong.)  "Read me the fuckin' book."  Me:  "What did you say?"  (Surely, he didn't just say that?)  "Mom, read me the FUCKIN' book!!!!"  ME:  (While trying not to laugh because as much as I know it's wrong it's terribly funny for a little child to cuss like that.)  "That is not a nice word to use, please don't talk to me like that."

From Xander (a few months ago, age 3) anytime, anywhere, "Jackass".  It was his catch phrase for awhile.  And it was too dang funny.  I tried to yell at him, but it was best just to ignore it.  But, the best was that he only used it to refer to my husband and other people, never me.  (I swear I didn't teach it to him.)  One day we're all in the minivan and he pipes up, "There's a jackass in the car."  Me:  "Who?"  Him: "Daddy".  Cracked me up.  Or he'd sit on the couch next to my husband and say, "I'm gonna sit next to you, you ass."  Dead serious.  Thank goodness he's stopped!

The all time worst though is when they tell you they are going to be sick.  Before you can even utter a word, you usually have throw up all over you.  I just HATE hearing those words because I know that I have no time to do anything!

On the other hand, they say some really sweet things too.  And they more than make up for the bad things. 

Of course, all the times they say, "I love you" or "You're the best mom ever" or when the boys tell me they want to marry me when they get older.

The cutest thing that Xander (3) says is every week when I get home from the grocery store.  He comes to see all the stuff I've bought and every week, without fail, he'll tell me " Mom, I'm so happy you bought me __________.  You make me so happy!"  Like I've been starving the child or something!  The other day he even told me, "Mom, I'm so proud of you for buying me Pop Tarts."  Yay me!

Jocelyn (2) has started getting into the action too.  When I tell the kids no, I usually say "No sir" or  "No ma'am".  When she's in trouble she'll give me those cute little puppy dog eyes and say, "YES sir?"  and repeat numerous times even though I say no every time.  It's so cute though.  Or if I ask her to please do something, she'll tell me, "No sir". 

Or the time when Carissa was about 5 and just shouted in the middle of Target, " I DON'T WANT TO KISS BOYS I WANT TO KISS GIRLS!!!"  Ok, that's fine with me, really, I'm not pressuring you one way or the other!  I have no idea what sparked that one!

So, what have your kids done to embarrass you in public?  And what do they do to warm your heart?

Nannie nannie boo boo

How bout a teaser about our camping trip?  (In all actuality, my card reader broke, so I can't upload pics at work and stupid photobucket crapped out in the middle of my uploading before work today, so this will have to do.)  Full story tomorrow, or the next day or hell, maybe next year.

Anyhoo, I just had to share my wonderful exciting bargain shopping news.  I tell you, nothing gets me more excited than a good deal.  I love to save money while spending money.  A little too much my husband might add.  And my dad would say that I'm not necessarily saving money if I'm spending it.  But, whatevah! 

The kids go back to school in less than 3 weeks.  Yay! Dang it!  Summer is too damn long, do they really need a break short.  So, we decide to do a bit of shopping last night.  JCPenney is having a big sale and I really like their kids clothes.  In the same mall is a Ross Dress for Less.  And since hubby is home with the two small kids we decide to tackle the messy laundry pile that is Ross.  I really don't like shopping there because you have to weed through so much to find one good thing.  But, I had some time to spend and do love a good bargain.  Let me just say that two hours and $220 later we were done.  And here's what we got:

for Carissa:  3 bras (oh how she'd die knowing I told someone she wears bras, she even made me hold them in the store), 4 shirts, 1 cami, 2 jeans, 2 other pants, 2 shorts, 1 bermudas, one pair of Speedo flip flops and a pair of LA Gear athletic shoes

for Robert:  2 shorts, a pack of socks and 4 really cool guitar and/or skull shirts

and a four pack set of ice cream sundae dishes that I thought were adorable.  Can you believe it?  It was crazy!  That's 26 items.  Works out to $8.46 each including the tax!  For name brand stuff- Quicksilver, Speedo, LA Gear, Mudd, OP.  Crazy I tell you!

In other news, I'm starting Body for Life again.  I've got a partner and we're in it together.  I've only gained back 4 lbs from the last time I did it.  But, I feel crappy again.  I know it's because I'm not eating right.  And I really, really, really, really want to firm up my thighs, waist and upper arms.  So, if I get cranky, it's because I'm off the french fries again. 

PMS X2

Did you know that if females live together their menstrual cycles tend to sych up?  No, well they do.

Did you know that I have a 13 year old female living in my house?  Yes, well you get the picture.

Pray for my husband and boys.  They're in for a hell of a week.

THE Plan

Do you have a PLAN?  Have you written it down?  Was it hard?  Have you had one for long?

My husband and I don't have a plan.  Or a Will in other words.

It's one of those things that you put off and put off.  I mean, seriously, who wants to think about their own death?  And how in the world do you decide what you want for your children if you were to die?  Seriously.  I don't even want it to approach the outer circles of my thoughts. 

But, we've got to be responsible.  Both of our families have "issues", so we'd like to spell things out as clearly as possible.  N0 sense in letting the crazies decide for themselves!  Plus, we're done having children and we've moved into our "forever home".  So, things should be pretty stable from here on out (knock on wood).

Luckily with my husband's job they stress how important having a will is.  Especially for people in law enforcement.  So, they are providing free services to get our wills drawn up.  We have appointments on the 26th.

But, oh, the things we have to think about up until that point.  And the decisions that must be made.  Who will care for the children?  How do we want our vast wealth (insert sarcastic giggle here) split up?  Who will be pissed off the most at our decisions?

Just thinking about those things brings up images of life without me or us.  And it's not pretty.  I'm no saint, but YIKES!  To think of others raising the kids that WE decided to bring into this world.  That WE know best.  That WE have shaped and molded.  Ugh, it's a scary thought.

So, while we're going to be responsible and talk about it and formalize it.  I pray that the kids are old and married with grandchildren of their own before they ever have to see our wills!

The Inner Struggle

And so it begins.  My first week of full time work since January 2005.  Yikes!  It's daunting to think about it, really.  Don't get me wrong, I've worked all my life, with the exception of a few maternity leaves.  But, the last time I worked full time I only had 2 kids and a much smaller house.  And going BACK to full time work after the wonderful experience of part time work is a big adjustment.  For all of us.

Although this is my first week actually working full time, I took the kids to their new preschool last week for a transition period.  The first day went great.  I don't think either one realized exactly what was going on.  Jocelyn cried a bit, but Xander was excited and did great.  But, with each passing day they get more crabby in the morning.  And the pleas become louder and sadder.  Although, I do think that Jocelyn is transitioning fairly well.  She cries for a bit when we get there, but they assure me that she settles and had a good day, although she doesn't like to eat there.  But, that's just her, she's picky and she likes to graze as opposed to sitting for meals.  But, Xander has so much anxiety each morning.  Yet, when we pick him up he's excited and loves to talk about what they've done.  He loves playing on the playground and doing projects and will talk all about it.  Until the next morning arrives.  Then he hates it and never wants to go back.  I'm praying that after another week or so this won't happen anymore.   

But, those little pleas pull at my heartstrings.  And that inner turmoil starts.  Why AM I working full time?  It's certainly not for the money as preschool sucks up every extra penny I'm making.  Why now, why not in a few years?  Is it bad to have someone else "raise" my kids for eight hours every day?  Why don't I just stay home?

AM I A BAD MOM?

I know the answers to all of those questions.  I'm doing it because my boss asked me to.  She prefers that I don't job-share anymore.  And I respect her and love to work for her, so I agreed to it.  I'm doing it now because that's when it happened.  And because I applied for that other full time job and I figure it'd be good for them to see that I'm already back full time in case they would be hesitant to hire me because of that (and if I was to get THAT job I'd be making a TON more money).  It's not bad to have someone else care for my kids every day.  And it's not every day, just four days a week.  I truly think that they do BETTER with someone else.  Someone else is better about getting them on a schedule and interacting with them more.  When I'm home with the two little ones I'm always doing something around the house or running errands.  Or Jocelyn is taking up the time I'd like to spend with Xander.  And every day is different, some days we leave the house others we don't.  There's not a lot of consistency.  And I don't stay home because I just can't.  Financially it'd be really tight, but mentally I'd be a mess if I stayed home full time.  I'm just not one of those moms.

And I don't think I'm a bad mom, either.  But, when your heartstrings are tugged, it's hard not to feel guilty.  And it's an age old struggle that all mothers face.  To work or not to work.  And people judge each decision.  And I think WE each judge our own decisions.  It's just hard.  Hard to find a good balance.  Hard to be happy with the decisions we've made. 

Hard to listen to those little cries and see those tears in the morning.

Race for the Cure

In the midst of all the chaos in our house, Carissa and I have signed up for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on April 6th.   Last year one of our friends lost her mother at a young age to breast cancer and we know a few others who have been affected.  Our local playgroup has joined a team and will be walking/running together.  (I'll be one of the walking ones.)  If you would like to donate to our team, please click on this link:  Carissa and Lori's Breast Cancer Walk

Thanks in advance!

In the meantime I am hurriedly preparing to work full time starting next week.  I have painted all of our hallways in the house (a project that kept getting put off),  painted Carissa's room to suit her everchanging wants, cleaned the house from top to bottom including closets, dressers, cupboards, nooks and crannies, dontated a whole car load of crap that we were getting rid of, and cleaned out the garage.

Today I'm making a Costco run for large quantities of meat and fruit, etc.  When I'm off this week I'm going to make a bunch of soups, stews and casseroles to have on hand during the week.

And we found a preschool for the kids.  We're going with the one we used when Robert was little.  I really love the place, we were just trying to find someplace a bit cheaper.  But, after touring other facilities I've come to realize that you get what you pay for and I'd much rather pay a bit more for loving teachers and peace of mind!

So, starting next week, be prepared to see a lot more of me!

Spring Break

Remember those days when you couldn't wait for Spring Break?  The trips to Mexico and/or the beach?  The drinking, the partying?  All the crazy stuff that goes on?

No, yeah, me neither.  I never did the whole Spring Break scene.  Although my family always went to Florida for Spring Break.  So, I saw plenty of beach, but no partying.  We stayed with my grandmother in the "old people" part of Florida.  But, I still remember loving that week off.  It was lots of fun.  And I loved to hear everyone else's stories of the partying, etc.

Now that I'm a mom, Spring Break has a whole different meaning.  For one, my kids go to year round school, so they get TWO weeks off.  It's nice for planning vacations and such, but they start getting bored.

And, Carissa is 13, going on 16.  Pretty soon, we're going to have to be the bad guys and tell her that SHE can't go party.  I'm sure that's going to be quite a battle!

So, for the next two weeks, I'll be trying the entertain my kiddos.  We've already gone miniature golfing and tomorrow we're going to Phoenix.  Hopefully, I will keep my sanity and they won't kill each other.  Say a prayer for me!

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By the way, I passed the test!  I got an 89.  So, now I have to submit my resume and transcripts and then play the waiting game.  In the meantime, I might have to go full time at my current job as my job share partner applied for another job and it looks like she might get it.  I'll keep you updated!