Mommy Guilt?

I have to admit something.  Something that I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to feel bad about, but I don’t. 

I don’t feel bad being a working mother.

There, I said it.  Phew!

The thing is, I KNOW in my heart of hearts that I could not handle being a stay at home mom.  I just couldn’t.  I need to get out of the house.  I need adult interaction.  I need to use my brain (not that trying to figure out the manipulations of my children isn’t using my brain, but it’s a different part).

I know some struggle with whether to go back to work.  I know some moms would give anything to be able to stay home with their kids all the time.  But, I’m not one of them.  I love going to work.  And I love coming home to my kids.  But, there was never a time that I thought I would stay at home with the kids.  Never. 

My aunt thinks I’m crazy.  She always wanted to stay home with her boys, but money was tight and she had to work.  But, I wonder if she wanted that “dream” of staying home.  Would she really have loved it if she’d lived it?  I’m not sure.  Did she want it just because that’s what you’re supposed to say?  You’re supposed to want to stay home with your kids.  You’re supposed to want them raised by their family.  You’re supposed to give up part of yourself for your children.  At least that’s what we’re taught.

But, I think working makes me a better mom.  I enjoy the time I have with them more.  I cherish it.  It’s not a day in day out 24 hours a day thing.  So, I truly appreciate the time we have.  Also, I don’t stress as much about them.  If I was there all the time I’d see every little thing they did wrong.  And it’d drive me crazy.  I’d be the constant disciplinarian and teacher and cook and maid, etc.  And that would stress me the heck out!

Plus, they LOVE going to school.  Their teachers are great.  They have fun activities and games.  They come home full of new ideas and words and songs.  And then they ask to go back to school!  Sometimes I wonder if this means that they have more fun at school than at home.  But, I think it just means that they have TWO safe, fun places to go.  And for that I’m thankful. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’d love to stay home SOME.  Like when I worked part time.  That was the best of both worlds.  I still got to get out and go to work, but I also got some quality time at home.  If I had the chance to do it again, I’d definitely work part time.  I was able to adjust my schedule for school activities for the older kids and do my errands during the week so the weekends were relaxing.  Now that I’m full time, I miss school functions and our weekends are jam packed with errands.

But, I don’t feel guilty for working.  And I’m pretty sure that “society” wants me to, but I don’t.

Comments

[Trenches of Mommyhood]

Agreed. Working part-time is the perfect balance! I've done all 3 (full-time, part-time and SAHM) and like you, I could never see myself being a SAHM permanently. I think it's a completely different mindset. But it does suck to HAVE TO work b/c of finances. It's a lot of pressure.

[Sybil Law]

I miss work and adult interaction, too. I love being able to do all the volunteer stuff at school, etc, but after a while - ugh.

[debbie]

I am so with you on this! Both times, when the boys were born, I took 6 months for maternity leave (here in Japan it's usually one year!!). Yeah, it was great to be home with them when they were baby-babies, but, honestly, by the 4th month, I was about to go nuts!!! I admire SAHMs because I just couldn't do it. I was so ready to go back to work...I felt a little bad about that, but...my mom always says that "no one is happy unless mom is happy"...and going to work makes me happy..ergo..we are all pretty damn happy!
I do feel a bit bad about not being able to do so much at school. Here, the moms are always up there, observing classes, helping out...but...I asked Issei if he was okay with that and he didn't even have to think about it...he was okay. Thank God for that! I do go up there sometimes, just enough to let them know that I do actually care about my son, but not enough for them to worry that I want to take over!!
And you are right about the time that we spend with our kids...because it is so limited, I think that our time is a bit more "quality time"...it's very precious and I don't want to spend it doing 'whatever' with the boys!!

[MommaV]

I so wish I had your outlook! I seriously think some people are made to feel the way you do! I think its wonderful, and so much better for you and the kids!