No dear readers, I didn't leave. Not then and not for a long time after. I stayed for 10 months!!! TEN FREAKIN MONTHS!!! Luckily, he never got more physical than to push me into a wall, but the emotional abuse was there every single day.
And, the only reason I left? Because he met a new chick that had nice digs and decided to move in with her, essentially kicking me to the curb, literally.
I had to summon the courage to call my parents and beg to come home (it was April by now). That was the scariest day for me. I had no idea what they would say. I hadn't spoken to them since I left, not once.
Thank god, they came to get me and let me come home. We had some heart to heart talks and I started to grow stronger. Until...
that ass started calling. And asking me to hook up while his girlfriend was at work. And (go ahead beat my 18yo self up, I want to too) I would go!!! What in the world was wrong with me?
I was trying to get on with my life, working full time, going to nursing school, not going out at all (except to see HIM), really trying to get my life together. Until that one day in August.
I was sitting at my desk at work and all of a sudden my insides just flopped. Like I literally felt like I had swallowed a live fish and it was jumping around in my belly. The next hours, day, are really a fog to me. But, somehow I called my friend with a car and had her take me to Planned Parenthood (let me also add that my periods have always been WAY out of whack, skipping months, and that I was really skinny 98lbs and until that day hadn't gained a pound.) I don't know why I thought I was pregnant, but I just did. And sure enough I was. I seriously don't even remember finding out or anything (I was already 24 weeks along).
I do remember going home and going to my room. I do remember my mom coming in and asking me if I was pregnant (I guess she had suspected or else knew I was really, really upset and just assumed), I do remember telling her, I do remember her telling me to get out because she was afraid my father would say things he'd later regret when he heard, I do remember going to my friend's house for the night, I do remember coming home and the look of disappointment on my father's face. I do remember all of that. I also remember growing my balls, big and bold right there.
THAT was the moment that I decided to stand up for myself and my baby. There is no way I was going to take any shit from anyone anymore. I called him, told him, had him tell me that he would never support me or the baby (which I knew from seeing him with his daughter), told him he'd never see her. And that was the last of it.
I got my nursing certificate (had to go back to take my test because she was born on my test date), got a good paying full time job, didn't go out AT ALL for two years, paid for everything for her (although I still lived at my parents house), took care of her (except when I was working) and took care of me. Cut out all those bad influences in my life. Learned to be independent, learned to be assertive, learned I was worth it and so was she.
One day, when she was about 2 months old he had the nerve to call. I took the call. He said he'd like to see her (he'd heard through friends that she'd been born). I stood up to him! I told him no, not ever. I told him she was mine and not his. And I've stuck to my guns for 13 years (not that he ever called again).
I've learned how to take care of myself. I think I've learned a little too well. Sometimes I feel bad for my husband because I can be a little TOO assertive or a little TOO independent sometimes. And he knows flat out that I don't put up with anything. I leave in a heartbeat if it's the best thing for me and/or the kids (luckily it's never even come close to that).
While I hate that this happened to me and I hate that I had to learn this way, I don't regret it. It's made me who I am today and I've got a beautiful daughter to boot.
**For the record: She does know that her bio dad is not her current dad (we met when she was 2), I have been open to talking about him and haven't bad mouthed him, but she hasn't expressed a desire to know him at all. We'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it. As a father was never listed on her birth certificate (boy was that a smart move) I was able to have my husband sign an affidavit and he is listed as her dad. And he is.
I have so much admiration & respect for you, Lori! Your kids are so lucky to have such a strong, independant woman as their mother. Thanks for sharing your balls with all of us! :)
xoxoxo
Posted by: Piper | July 10, 2008 at 05:36 PM
awesome. Glad you left the jerk behind, and moved on. Your kids have a strong role model in you...
Posted by: mielikki | July 10, 2008 at 05:46 PM
That could've ended badly in so many different ways. I'm happy that your motherly instinct kicked in and you were able to do what was best for you and your beautiful little (not so little anymore) daughter.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I think it takes guts to even admit to all of that. You have a lot to be proud of Lori.
Miss you!
Jessica
Posted by: Jessica Moore | July 10, 2008 at 07:11 PM
Lori! That's awesome. You totally rock. What an inspiring story! Yet another reason that I look up to you.
Posted by: Laura | July 10, 2008 at 07:55 PM
Wow! Thanks for sharing that story. How awesome that something so negative (the jerk) actually turned into something so amazing (baby and your changed life). That is so great. You are a wonderful mom!
Posted by: Mary Ann | July 10, 2008 at 08:27 PM
You are AWESOME! Kicking that jerk to the curb had to been a difficult thing to do. Out of a bad situation you got a really great gift in your little girl. Have a great weekend!
Posted by: BITR Country Girl - Aka Jamie | July 11, 2008 at 05:32 AM
AFter going through all that shit, just look at you. You are an awesome woman...balls and all...and with an absolutely beautiful daughter...along with that really cute hubby and those other kids!! :-D. Sometimes, the bad stuff we overcome helps us to appreciate what we have become in life!!
Thanks for sharing that Lori...and may your children inherit that part of you to take with them in their lives...balls are good to have..just in case you need them!!
Posted by: debbie | July 11, 2008 at 06:05 AM
i find the don't-take-no-shit lesson to be the best one you can teach your kids.
i'm trying to teach mine that the only shit they're allowed to take is that given to them by me. obviously, they must take *that* shit.
but what a powerful story, lori. my hat's off to you.
Posted by: holly | July 11, 2008 at 07:44 AM
I just caught up on this and the previous post. I'm just amazed that you made it out at all. It's a wonderful ending to a rough story.
Posted by: Summer | July 11, 2008 at 10:08 AM
You are awesome. And the past, or rather the things you did in the past, might embarrass you (or just make you cringe!), but it taught you a lot of important lessons. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. You were strong all along - you just needed the motivation!
Posted by: Sybil Law | July 11, 2008 at 12:01 PM
You're a inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story!
Posted by: Angie | July 11, 2008 at 03:28 PM
WOW! That's amazing! I'm glad it all worked out.
Posted by: bubblewench | July 15, 2008 at 05:06 AM
`I leave in a heartbeat if it's the best thing for me and/or the kids...`
That makes you a strong woman and a kick ass mother. Kudos.
Posted by: Claudia | July 15, 2008 at 06:43 AM
I'm loving you right now. You AND your ginormous balls.
Posted by: bejewell | July 15, 2008 at 09:57 AM
I'm glad you got instant perspective and turned your life around.
As the parent of 4 kids (23, 18, 15, 13) I was really feeling for your parents as I read this story. They must be so happy with the way things have turned out.
Posted by: Jenn @ Juggling Life | July 16, 2008 at 10:37 AM
Just caught up on the whole story. I never knew all the details. You know I think you rock, but I'm taking the opportunity to say it again here. :D
Posted by: Shannon | July 23, 2008 at 04:34 PM