Unfortunately, I think my rose colored glasses come in the form of my bathroom mirror.
I think my bathroom mirror gives me the impression that I go out looking halfway decent most mornings. It's quite disturbing actually. How differently I can look at home in the bathroom and then once I get to work. Or in pictures.
I know that I'm no looker, but I think I can put myself together fairly well most of the time. I watch What Not to Wear and have actually learned a lot from them. I have learned that it's better to spend more on fewer things than to buy more cheap things. More expensive clothes really do fit better.
And I think I'm pretty good at applying makeup. I mean, I'm no Tammy Faye or anything. I try to keep it neutral and complimentary.
But, damn if I don't look downright scary in pictures sometimes. Like, where the hell did those upper arms come from? I swear to god my arms aren't huge in my bathroom mirror, but they sure as hell are in pictures. Maybe I have reverse anorexia? Instead of always seeing myself as fat even though I'm thin, I see myself as thin even though I'm fat? Seriously, is that a disease?
And my face! I think that makeup enhances my good features and covers up some of my flaws. But, get to work (gotta love fluorescent lights) and I don't even look like I have any on! Or, it makes the colors so hideous that I look like a teenage girl on her way to the club.
My point being, that I really don't know what I look like. I have this image in my head, but I don't think it's accurate. I still think of myself as that twenty something girl I once was. The size 3. The one without wrinkles. The cool one.
But, when I see pictures of myself, the realization sinks in. I'm not. I'm no longer a size 3, I'm an 8 or a 10. And even though I'm at my "perfect weight" (as all the charts say), I have flabby upper arms and a flabby middle. The middle I can live with. I did birth four children, I don't expect perfection. But, the arms! When did I get my grandmother's arms? And how can I get rid of them? I lift weights, I exercise. Those damn things aren't going anywhere. And when did my face start to absorb all the makeup? When did it start to not enhance, but just blend in to the boringness? Do I really have to apply 30 coats of mascara for a few eyelashes to show up?
When did this all happen? When did I go from being a cool hipster, to a middle-aged momma? In my mind I'm still cool (I know, I'm delusional) and in my bathroom I'm still cool, but out in the real world I'm just another middle-aged momma. And dammit I want to be cool again!
(Hmm, maybe I'm having a crisis because my birthday is next week???)
(BTW, I did not purchase anything Friday night. I am very well stocked in that department. I did however teach some of the amateurs what they should buy.)