Again, here's my disclaimer- I am not a perfect parent. I don't know everything. But, I have learned some things along the way and I'd like to share another one of my little tips.
Here's a big one in our house: Delegate, delegate, delegate. I firmly believe in the power of delegation. No, I haven't made my children my slaves (or maids as they like to refer to it). But, they have to "earn their keep" so to speak. We don't run a hotel or a restaurant. Everyone has to pull their own weight. I honestly believe that this makes them better people. I think it helps them become productive citizens of society. I cannot stand some of these people that think they are entitled to things and they don't have to lift a finger.
I teach them to prepare their own meals at a really young age. As soon as they can reach the fridge, they're making their own lunches and sometimes breakfasts. My kids pack their own lunches as soon as they start school. Some people are amazed at this. They want to know how I "do it". It's not rocket science, I show them how and then expect them to do it. I don't coddle them. Sure, I'll help them spread the peanut butter if they need it, but I won't just do it all for them. And I teach them what is an acceptable lunch. Candy and pudding do not make a healthy lunch. They typically have a sandwich, chips and a piece of fruit. I ask for their input when shopping and buy their favorite lunch meats and fruits.
They also dress themselves pretty much from the age of 3. Sure, they need help here and there. But, they pick out the clothes and most of the time get them on.
They also do their own laundry. Ok, maybe not when they're 3, but they learn young. Although our 3 year old does put his own clothes in the hamper. When they are about 5 they have to put their own clothes away. I don't expect them to be folded, they're kids I don't care if their clothes are wrinkled. Once a week they are expected to put their clothes in the proper drawer. At around 10 they start doing their own laundry. We stumbled across this one when Carissa started leaving markers and lip gloss in her pockets. Everyone's wash was coming out stained, so she had to wash her own. It's worked out really well. So well that this year she started having the wash all the family's towels too.
They also clean their own messes, including their rooms, the playroom, any mess in the kitchen, outside or in the garage. Most of the time they don't need to clean every day, we usually have a set day each week to clean specific rooms. When they clean the room it means top to bottom, under beds, in the closet and vacuuming. Sure, it's not perfect each time, but as they get older, they get better.
The kids also share a bathroom. This is their responsibility. Robert cleans the toilets (he actually loves this job, more power to him) and Carissa cleans the shower and sinks. I still clean the mirror.
The dog is solely their responsibility. They feed him, water him, wash him and clean up after him.
When we are doing a whole house cleaning, they chip in even more. Carissa sweeps floors, vacuums, does trash duty and sometimes does the dishes. Robert does a lot of the toy pick up and is my right hand man. Xander does a lot of the running from room to room with stuff that needs to be put in it's correct place.
Now, you might see this and think they really ARE my slaves. But, they're not. We have specific days that specific jobs need to be done. And most of the jobs that they do involve their own things. We're trying to teach them to be responsible with their things and take care of them. We're also trying to teach them that if they keep their things picked up then the job isn't so bad down the road. If I picked up after them all the time I can imagine how much messier the playroom would be.
There is one lesson to be learned from delegation, though. The kids DO NOT do a perfect job. This is something that you have to learn to live with. If you want perfect then you are going to have to run yourself ragged and do it all yourself. If you can settle for acceptable, but the fact that you didn't have to bust your ass, then delegation is for you.
For us, I almost think it's a survival technique. We've got six people in one house. I can't do it all. Even with my husband's help we just can't do it. It's more like survival of the fittest, where I'm teaching my children to be the fittest!
Sounds good to me. Miss m dresses herself and Miss E tidies her room and the lounge every night. Miss M made her first sandwich today, bread and jam and she really enjoyed it. You are a fab mum Lori.
Posted by: Jo Beaufoix | May 22, 2008 at 03:03 PM
sound nice.....Sugar helps me a lot, but I haven't really given her her own jobs yet....but she does help me with whatever I am doing. :)
Posted by: Corey | May 22, 2008 at 03:45 PM
Delegation is the key -- I agree one hundred percent. I like to pull the Tom Sawyer routine and make my girls think whatever job I'm doing is too much fun to pass up. I keep waiting for them to catch on, but so far so good! :)
Posted by: Troy | May 22, 2008 at 05:29 PM
I think that is fantastic Lori! I completely agree, I can't stand some of these kids who sit around playing video games all day and not pitching in at all, whether it is required or not. Chloe does quite a bit for herself, and is good about putting clothes in the hamper. She also transfers the clothes from the washer to the dryer, that is her favorite chore! I can't wait til she is older and I can boss her around more! LOL!
So, do you do allowance? Is their allowance related to how much work they do?
Posted by: Jules | May 22, 2008 at 09:36 PM
Nothing wrong with what you're doing, at all! ESPECIALLY because you have such a large household! But all kids should pitch in - period.
Posted by: Sybil Law | May 23, 2008 at 01:26 PM
you forgot the bit where they bring you the beers you need. this is one of the first things we ever taught queen of hearts. what a glorious day that was.
actually i loved this post, because i was like "oh hey, i'm not crappy, i'm *enabling*!" the thrower already knows how to fill the laundry: tablets, conditioner and all, and helps with a lot of tasks. if only i could get queen of hearts on board with chores. soon. tomorrow.
Posted by: holly | May 23, 2008 at 04:14 PM
I really, really need to implement this in my home...I do everything. I need to buckle down on my two youngest and start delegating more...instead of killing myself doing it all. They pick up there toys, try to make their beds, but that is it. Max wants to help more, I just need to get past everything being "perfect" and actually let him.
Posted by: Dixiechick | May 27, 2008 at 07:14 AM
Mustang Girl does her own laundry, as well, and I am in the process of teaching her how to cook. You are right about just 'expecting' them to function. And not to expect perfection right off the bat. (or, ever). When we are in the new house, I am going to make sure she knows what my expectations are. And I don't think they are out of hand.
Posted by: mielikki | May 27, 2008 at 03:13 PM
You You are raising productive members of society. This is the same way we raised our childen. We helped them realize that it is necessary to help out and that we needed them in our family. Keep up the great work!
Posted by: Sandy Bradley | May 28, 2008 at 10:28 AM