A Heavy Heart

***Mascara Alert- This post is sad.  Except for the first link, don't click unless you're ready for a good cry.***

A few weeks ago I was visiting In The Trenches.  I try to read her blog when I have time because she's funny and her life is similar to mine.  A few weeks ago she posted Thursday Tears.  Dammit, she warned!  I should have known that I should have waited to click.  But, curiosity killed the cat and I clicked.

I clicked here.  At first I didn't really understand.  I could tell that something bad had happened, but I couldn't quite figure it out.  So, I clicked here.  And damn, damn, damn.  It was worse than I could have imagined.  It was just awful.  And the tears came.  And came and came.  And I spent three hours reading the whole thing.  (The very brief explanation is that Matt's young bride Liz had complications during her pregnancy.  She gave birth to Miss Madeline weeks early by c-section.  27 hours later she was getting ready to visit Madeline in the NICU and died from an embolism.  Matt is now raising their perfectly healthy, wonderful daughter on his own.)

And I was touched.  Matt's writing is so emotional and raw and courageous.  He's dead honest.  And hurting and all sort's of other things.  He has opened up to people all over that don't know him or Liz or Madeline.  He's willing to share with us his grief and despair and hurt.  I'm sure a therapist would say what he's doing is part of the healing for him, but damn.  It's got to be so hard.  And to lay it all out there for mere strangers is brave.

Reading his posts makes me feel a world of emotions.  I'm sad and mad and cynical and anguished and all sorts of other things.  I just cannot imagine what he's going through. And I'm mad that he has to go through it.  You can tell that he's a great guy and it just isn't fair that he should be going through this.

But, then I read and feel happy and optimistic and lucky and grateful.  See, Matt has wonderful friends and family that have been there for him every step of the way.  Ten weeks later they still visit daily.  It is obvious that Liz was a WONDERFUL person.  And that people are honored to have known her for the short time she was on this earth.  It is obvious that Matt and Liz were soul-mates and that they were truly and deeply in love.  It is obvious that Madeline is going to be an AMAZING person and that she is love beyond belief. 

His posts also make me feel optimistic for humanity.  See, their story has touched SO many people.  Strangers send Matt and Madeline the most awesome (and sometimes expensive) gifts EVERY DAY!  And that is heartwarming.  To see that people do still care.  That strangers will reach out.

I have left Matt comments here and there.  But, honestly, what do you say to someone who is in this sucky situation?  What can I possibly say to make him feel any better?  Some days, I hope that for every comment someone leaves we take just 1/1000th of his pain away.  That we hold that pain in our hearts so that he doesn't have to. 

I find myself thinking about their story a few times each day.  But, it's a good thing.  Because it really makes me cherish what I've got.  So, go hug your husband, your wife, your kids.  Call your mom and tell her you love her.  And, if you would like, send Matt some love also.

Comments

[Corey]

I am grateful that you gave me the "short version" as my heart is unable to handle the strain of reading such things right now. I am not certain I could pull myself out of the emotional pit it would put me in.

My heart goes out to Matt, Maddy, and the entire family.

[mielikki]

This reminds me so much of a situation I was in at work, almost
5 years ago. The young mother passed away, while her husband and son were in the hallway. The baby cried the entire time we coded his mother. I didn't sleep for a week. I can only imagine the pain Matt is going through. Thank God he has Madeline, though. I read the whole thing....

[Jules]

Oh, how very sad. I will come back and click the links once my kiddos are in bed and I have some alone time to bawl. I always get so emotional over stories like this.

Thank you for sharing Lori.

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

Great post! Isn't it so tragic? Yet Matt is so strong and amazing for sharing with us. Somehow I'm drawn to these types of stories, for they truly make me appreciate the blessings I have in my own life. I need these reminders.

[Susan]

Wow.......great post Lori, very insightful, especially to someone like me. What a tragic, awful thing to happen to such a wonderful family ! Thank you for sharing mama, it really opens up my thoughts on my own life...

[Jo Beaufoix]

I nearly didn't go there as I knew I would cry, but what an amazing family for Madeline to grow into, and her daddy is keeping her mummy there for her with all those beautiful pictures and memories.
It does make you realize how lucky you are. I'm off now to cuddle my kids and give Mr B a big kiss.

[holly]

any other week, i would have clicked. but i can't do sad this week... i just can't. really really really sorry. but i did read the bit about hugging people. i will do that, for you.

[Lisa]

what a sad story that has a great message. thanks for sharing.

[manager mom]

I don't think I can read the post. I have been struggling, in a good way I guess, as to how I can find ways to express my gratitude for all that I have...despite my crabby online persona I have been given a life that is such a gift, and I feel like I am going to burst sometimes because I want to give thanks. Stories like Matt's just make you realize the fullness of what you have, and the grace and strength of people who have had to deal with such a terrible tragedy... like you said, hug your kids and family. Hug everyone.

[Krisri]

It was just shortly after I too spent about 3 hours reading through his whole blog and crying my eyes out at work....... so sad. And yet you feel you are part of his life now, huh?